July 13, 2020 will be your four months gone. It also happens to be your 19th wedding anniversary. We knew trouble would arise when you were married to Vin on July 13, 2001, it was a Friday. Go figure, right? You left us on March 13, 2020, it was also a Friday. Too much coincidence to count it as coincidence. It felt like balance was coming to us, almost sickening to think about. But for days after you left us, Friday the thirteenth rang in our minds.
The next Friday the thirteenth is November 2020. That will be 8 months without you. And I’m sure it will not be any easier. Often times 13 is associated with death.
“The number 13 brings the test, the suffering and the death. It symbolises the death to the matter or to oneself and the birth to the spirit: the passage on a higher level of existence. (In Tarot, no. 13 card is named as Death”(directly from google)
Thirteen also stands for femininity. Seeing as we have 13 menstrual periods a year. Thirteen full moons a year. All of feminism origin. I often think about thirteen things, any thirteen things. Thirteen things grief has taught me. Or you taught me. Or things I’m grateful for. I try to incorporate the number into my daily life, so that it’s less triggering and shocking to me when it appears before me. There are other things that happen that remind me you are near. Multiple sneezes. You always said it reminded you of your grandmother, and now it reminds us of you. Christmas movies in June, baking cookies in the middle of the night. So much reminds me of you. But it’s important to remind myself it’s good to remember.
A couple months ago a friend of mine sent me two bracelets. One said “endurance” which i was in great need of when receiving these, and the other said “love remembers” and I’ve worn that everyday, in thoughts of you. I see you everywhere i turn. When my eyes are closed i see your smile. Miss you mom.
xoxox
Passed Parents 